You’re newly 16. You met this boy a while ago now, you’ve been friends for a long time.
It is Valentine’s Day. He texts you and asks you to meet him, he’s even sent a picture showing you the ear of a teddy. Surprising you with thoughtful gifts is something he always does. It makes you feel special.
For your birthday, he surprised you with a necklace with your initial on it. You had to say yes, you had to accept it – what else could he do with it? He said that he wanted to see you in nothing but that and then corrected himself. He just wanted you to wear it more than anything.
You oblige.
For Christmas, he got you a box of chocolates and some magazines. You remember flicking through the magazines trying to perfect your ‘cat look’ eyeliner. When you finally got it right he said you were beautiful.
You blushed a deep red and remembered feeling your heart swell with pride. Pride at the fact he thought you were beautiful. Little Old You.
You’ve been lucky. He has borrowed you a few quid here and there, he has given you a lift to school if you’ve needed it, and if you’re ever at a mates house he arrives with alcohol. He’s so cool.
You remember being at a party once, it was bigger than you thought it would be, you’d had a drink or two before he arrived. You were sitting with a male friend from school, talking about something from class today. Your teacher had dropped his coffee cup on the floor. It was the funniest thing all day. You laughed until tears ran down your face.
When he walked into the room and saw you with your friend he cocked his head to the side and motioned with his finger for you to follow him. You rolled your eyes, he was so cute.
‘He doesn’t deserve your attention tonight, look at you’.
He twirls you, you stumble, he catches you. He tries to plant a firm kiss on your mouth but you turn slightly and he misses. He starts laughing. He apologises. He’s sorry, he’s a bit tipsy too. Of course, you forgive him, he’d never do anything to hurt you. He never would.
Your text notification makes a loud noise and cuts through your thoughts. You’re on the edge of your bed. You carefully eye the clothes hanging in the wardrobe. You want to look pretty. You want to look relaxed. You read the text.
I’ll pick you up at the usual place at 7.30pm. xxx
You unhook your favourite jeans from their hanger, you pull them on. You then take a t-shirt that has ‘ Love ‘ across the chest out of your drawers. It’s soft cotton and it makes you feel like one of the girls from the magazine advert, confident and pretty. As you glance at the clock you see you have about 15 minutes to go. You’re excited, you take a second look at the teddy bear picture on your phone. You feel a little pop of excitement, someone is giving you something on Valentine’s Day.
You slip on your trainers, you grab a light jacket, you kiss your mum on the cheek and tell her you’re heading over to Sarah’s for the evening. You’ve even got a little bag with some school work in, you say you’ll be studying and home later on.
You arrive at the location, you didn’t tell anyone where you were going. He is your little secret. He pulls up in his van, the teddy bear is sitting in the front waiting for you. You jump in excitedly. On the teddy’s wrist is a bracelet, you are shocked. It’s gorgeous, you can’t believe it. You can hear the screws rolling around in the back of the van. He asks how your day was, squeezes your leg gently, tells you he has another surprise lined up.
He passes you a bottle of rosé wine. You told him once how much you liked the flavour, how you felt like a sophisticated woman when you drank it. It’s such a nice gesture, you unscrew the lid and take a few big swigs.
He smiles at you.
You smile back.
He drives for a while, you sip on your wine. It tastes so fruit it’s easy to drink. Your head feels fuzzy and your belly feels warm. You put the bracelet on your wrist. How are you so lucky to found a boy with a job, a boy with a home, he drives, he gives you gifts and money all the time. You are spoiled, you are lucky. So lucky.
He places his hand on your thigh. You ask where you are going. He says you’ll see, it will be fun, he promises.
You’ve arrived at a wooded area, the stars are bright, the moon is so big. Your head is swimming a bit. He says he has another gift for you in the back of the van. You peer over your shoulder and sure enough, there is a box there. You jump into the back of the van, he follows a moment after.
You pull the box open.
Inside is a lace lingerie set. You don’t know what to say. Put it on he says. You’re not sure and you tell him that. Go on! He says I want to see if it fits. He turns the music up a little and looks at you expectantly. You laugh and say okay. There is no harm in it. He has given you so much, this is such a small thing to ask. He turns around as you slip your jeans to the floor. Once you’re dressed in the lace, you start to shiver. He asks to take a picture of you. Tells you how beautiful you are. Tells you he has never seen a woman so stunning. Runs his finger down the outside of your leg and says you are perfect.
You shiver more. He comes closer to you. Asks you to pose. It is fun to start with. Pretending to be a model under the stars. He puts his phone away and comes closer still. He puts his arms around your shoulders.
He lifts your chin and plants his mouth on yours, you laugh and move back. After everything I’ve given you, I just want one kiss he says. You give it to him. He has given you so much. You owe him something. His hands start moving frantically over your body. You are overwhelmed. You ask him to slow down, asking him to stop would be telling him how ungrateful you are for everything he has done. You aren’t ready for this. This isn’t what you wanted.
You try to make a sound, to tell him, to ask him to stop. Your voice won’t come out. The guilt of the necklaces is hanging heavy around your neck. You see the bracelet sparkle in the moonlight and he removes your bra. You try to move back, he tells you how lucky you are to have someone like him, after all, you are so young. He tells you that you’re lucky he doesn’t tell your parents how much money he has given you. He tells you, you look wonderful.
You look at the teddy and the wine, you gently touch the initial on the necklace he gave you and it feels almost as though it’s on fire.
As he pulls away the last shred of clothing you are wearing, he tells you that you should be grateful that he loves you this much, that he wants to take care of you. That this is how you can take care of him.
After he is finished, he strokes your hair. Tells you how wonderful you were, how good you were for someone so young, how good you feel. He kisses you on the cheek and asks you to get dressed. You pull on your favourite jeans, you get back into the t-shirt with ‘ Love ‘ written across the chest. Your lower back is grazed and stings, your cheeks sting from the cold and salty tears. You sit back in the front of the van. He hands you another box.
You open it. Inside is a small keyring. It has the word ‘Perfect’ written on it. He says he knew you were perfect. He says that he doesn’t want anyone to know how perfect. He says that you shouldn’t tell anyone, he says they will just get in the way. He says he wouldn’t want his phone to get lost with those pictures of you on it. He says that it’s such a good job you took care of him like that, now he doesn’t have to show anyone. He drives you home. He says isn’t it great you’re 16 and totally legal.
You’re hurting. You walk in your house, you slip off your trainers, you hang your jacket up, you kiss your mum on the cheek. You walk up the stairs, you feel tender and confused. You feel like you should tell someone, share your secret but you know you can’t. Not now. You climb under the sheets. The bracelet sparkles in the moonlight.
You’re newly 16. You met this man a while ago now, you’ve been friends for a long time. He is 47.
