What I learned about feminism, while trying to learn about feminism #NaBloPoMo
By Zara · 03/11/2014 · 5 min read
I don’t know if many people do the same thing I do, I hope there is more than just me out in the world trying to read about everything. I kept hearing the word feminism throw around. Sort of like a grenade, ready to go off at any time.
‘She must be one of those feminist nazi types’
‘Next you’ll be burning your bra and shouting that women are oppressed’.
‘Feminism is bullshit, it’s just a bunch of crazy bitches who haven’t been fucked in a while’.
Not sure how true that later part is really. Within a few pages of The Female Eunuch you’re advised to have a taste of that life giving blood we get every month, and in my opinion one of the finest things about being female is multiple orgasms. That, and we can make a damn fine sandwich. I’m joking.
I bought books –
How to be a woman
Female Chauvinist Pigs
The Second Sex
The Feminine Mystique
Reading about how each of these women view women, men, relationships and life when you have a vagina. I often thought to myself during reading that I had no clue about how to be a female. How was I even allowed to say I had a vagina and boobs. My womb and me just weren’t having the relationship I thought we were. I wasn’t respecting my genitals and enough.
I never thought my body ‘belonged’ to any partner I’ve ever had. Likewise I didn’t claim their body as my own just because they chose to share it with me. I claimed my body, all of it years ago. I think you must be familiar with your body, how to use it, how to not use it and how to be good to it. How else can we have a truly fulfilling sexual experience with someone else if we don’t know how to work our own body. It would be like have the perfect steak, cooked perfectly rare, thick chips, veg and no gravy or sauce. Something would be missing.
I find it mind boggling that female masturbation is still a thing of mystery. We often see images of young men having a quick wank over some porn, do us women not? Or do we just lie about it to maintain poise? Is female wanking more vulgar? Well, I think it’s a more delicate process but one I wouldn’t shy away from seeing on my t.v at any rate.
There is a lot of talk about not earning the same amount of money, that there are less women in higher paid positions, that we have a glass ceiling forever looming above us, In truth, these have never affected my life, I fully support that people should be equal and earning potential should be about skills not cocks or the ability to push a baby into the world.
For me, I’d like to say that everyone is equal. Not just woman to man. Rather all races, religion, sexuality and whatever gender identity you may be. Obviously there are extremes within all of these and to be honest it’s usually those ones that you hear about on the news, and not for the best reasons.
If you follow me on instagram you may have seen a painting that I have on my wall of a Uterus.
I have three daughters and I never want them to feel less than who or whatever they may be when they are the same age as me. I certainly don’t want them to feel held back by the weight of their ovaries.
Like with all movements there is different strands, from the ‘Men are shit’ (which to me isn’t feminism so much as arseholism) to the camp that think Feminists are essentially all middle class, white, educated women who aren’t representative or the Feminist Movement. In my opinion you all count. I also think that sexism harms men too. By enforcing outdated views about how a woman should behave we also enforce the belief that men should be the ones at work, the ones who do the DIY, the ones who never EVER have a real emotion and the ones who need a blow job and a steak but not a conversation.
I’m partial to the latter myself.
Should I be paid the same as a man (who does exactly the same job)? Yes. This shouldn’t be something up for discussion. Should a man be given the same options with maternity leave as a woman? Yes. In that world where we earn the same then it wouldn’t matter who stayed and who went. Unless you’re breastfeeding, men can’t really do that bit. So maybe there are some areas we will never be equal because we are blessed with being the givers of life. Something which I think is pretty special.
What feminism is to me is simply people being treated equally and just. Not one over another. My ideal world isn’t one where the vagina rules or indeed the alternative where a penis gives you more rights in the eyes of others.
What I learned, while trying to learn about feminism is that I am the quiet feminist. The one who isn’t at rallys and marches, I don’t wear Frida t-shirts or laser cut jewellery with ‘This is what a feminism looks like’ on it. I’m the mother, in the house teaching three girls that they are worthy, equal and at the same time how to cook a great steak and keep a house clean.
