Family,  Parenting

How to disguise breastfeeding at Christmas

If you aren’t very careful,

you gobshite little prat,

I will whip my saggy boobies out,

and wear a Santa hat,

I will put some tinsel on them,

some twinkly lights too,

and you can compare that to having a poo,

they will be all bright and flashy,

with a baby on the end,

I will get some glittery globes,

and sticky tape them on,

and when you walk on by,

I will press all of my buttons,

We will flash and sparkle,

wizz pop and bang (I dunno),

My nipple on the unused breast,

will pretend to be a carrot,

on the face of a snow man,

and when you ask me,

‘Can you move if you’re breastfeeding?’ I’ll say,

Nay man, can thou not see?

I’m not breastfeeding,

I’m a fucking Christmas Tree.


Please note during the writing of this post the writer is pissed.


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