Family

Letting go of TRASH People – Even When They’re Family

It is tough to get through life without one or two negative people around you.

In fact, it is hard to get through one fucking day without it sometimes. And, it’s not just negative people – sometimes you just happen to know a couple of people who are trash. No one, including myself, is perfect. Most people, however, are pretty much happy souls, trying to have a positive life and do good things.

Who are these TRASH people?

Sometimes it is a person who continually talks about how they have been wronged by others. The conversation remains on a negative train for a long time – sometimes that is the only conversation. And no suggestion, nothing, will help – ever. You sit and listen until they’re done, and then they leave.

It might be a person, who says nasty and unfair things about other people all the time. From calling someone too skinny, or too fat to attacks on others lives. Jealousy? Possibly. An excuse for this behaviour? Certainly not.

Some are users. Some are out and out abusers. They will take and take until there is nothing left to get, and when you and your resources are depleted, they shimmer off. But, just for a little while – while you restock yourself emotionally. Master manipulators.

Sometimes these people are family. And, that is when it gets harder to deal with. Perhaps, it might even be a parent. But, they can be the worst.

It might not even be just one of these traits, it might be them all and more.

We are expected to always support the family. To understand their point of view. To accept their flaws. And, for the most part, that is actually very easy to do. You love them. You are also expected to love them – but you aren’t required to like them.

A year or two ago, I was having a discussion in a work capacity, and it was about empowerment – and that most of the time, the people who should be your biggest supporters are the ones that snide you. They tell you that maybe honey you should do something else, that those decisions aren’t right for you, you should do XYZ instead. 

Naivety and trust (and love) mean you’re more than likely to take the advice as law and drop it. Because they love you too.

The truth is though, that unless you are going to be in a dangerous situation, and unless it is coming from a place of genuine support and love – they’re talking shit.

There might be multiple events, in fact, there might be fucking countless times that a person has let you down, and you eat the bullshit and go back for more. Why? Because you are a nice person, who wants to do nice things for people. That, and you’ve been conditioned by them for a long time to be very amenable.

If you are left empty in either your bank account, home, mentally, or emotionally from this person – it is time to fuck them off out of your life for good, or at least minimise contact as much as possible.

And, it is hard. It is something that takes a lot of energy to do.

In this hyper-connected world, where if you don’t pick up the phone, or reply to a message, they can scout out your facebook or twitter. You need to be the strongest you’ve ever been, and close down – or at least throttle those lines of communication.

Suddenly it will feel like you are the bad guy. They have no idea why you wouldn’t want to talk to them or see them. And there, there ladies and gentlemen is where this all gets twisted. They become a victim of you. Because trash people, are always trash people, and even when you tell them why – they will never accept it.

But, what is the point of getting the trash out of your life?

Negativity is fucking contagious! It’s like a cold – they spew it on you, you soak it up, and now you have that state to carry around – until you spit it on someone else. Niiiiiice right? It gets worse, being around negative people actually makes you physically ill and more stupid (see end).

It is utterly crushing. Maybe it is a friend you have had for years, and you have a really strong bond, but you are using all of your available emotional and mental energy to keep them raised up. At the end of that meet-up, what do you have left? Sweet FA.

Do they continuously borrow money? And never give it back? Mate. Can you actually afford to be an extra pocket? Maybe you can, but you shouldn’t.

If like me, you have children, you want to have them only influenced by positivity. You want them to be (as much as possible) surrounded by people who water their gardens, but also teach them to repay that – because it is about balance.

Toxic people don’t change. While you may have spent years, giving and listening, supporting, and frankly putting up with some mad bullshit, they have spent that time having their shit behaviour rewarded – by you and others. Accidentally, you’ve been feeding their beast.

Because you deserve better. You deserve to not have negative, abusive, using mother fuckers in your life.

It is time to throw the TRASH PEOPLE in the bin, and that is precisely what I’ve been doing. It has been difficult, but so so worth it.

 

  1. The effects are also drastic. Research has shown that even a small amount of negative brain activity can lead to a weakened immune system.
  2. Negative attitudes can also affect your intelligence and ability to think — according to Dr. Travis Bradberry.

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6 Comments

  • Rachel @ Coffee, Cake, Kids

    I did this to someone, (as you know!) not long ago. They weren’t family, but I’d known him longer than I’ve known my brothers! He was SO toxic, and cutting him out of our lives was one of the best things I have ever done. I realised he brought absolutely nothing positive whatsoever to my life, so it was bye bye to him!

    • admin

      YES! And, I was so proud when you did that. That person was a total fucknut, it is a bit strange how we keep people around for the sake of it almost xx

  • Trudy

    You’re just so good at this. You’re massive balls are what I like best about you well besides your efficiency on a level I’m not sure that I’ll every achieve

    • admin

      Hahaaaa – what can I say! <3 You manage to do yoga every week, I can't even drink water every day! I'm jealous of your yoga on levels you'll never know xx

      • Trudy

        Haha! I have missed weeks when I was ill but if I am healthy, it’s my opportunity to self-care. I have to up my practice, now that I’m better. I used to be way more fit so I’m inching back with this. But, thank sweetheart for the compliment.

      • Trudy

        Haha! I haven’t been that good since I got ill a month ago but I’m going to try to get back to my version of self-care because this is the least fit I’ve ever been. You’ve got at least five reasons to forget water and you still manage to be stellar!

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