If you aren’t very careful,
you gobshite little prat,
I will whip my saggy boobies out,
and wear a Santa hat,
I will put some tinsel on them,
some twinkly lights too,
and you can compare that to having a poo,
they will be all bright and flashy,
with a baby on the end,
I will get some glittery globes,
and sticky tape them on,
and when you walk on by,
I will press all of my buttons,
We will flash and sparkle,
wizz pop and bang (I dunno),
My nipple on the unused breast,
will pretend to be a carrot,
on the face of a snow man,
and when you ask me,
‘Can you move if you’re breastfeeding?’ I’ll say,
Nay man, can thou not see?
I’m not breastfeeding,
I’m a fucking Christmas Tree.
Please note during the writing of this post the writer is pissed.