The older I get, the more times in my life – someone, somewhere has to impart their personal opinion and well-meaning advice to me.
I probably do it too.( I do but my most used phrase is ‘you do you’. Hopefully implying you should be yourself and do as you please).
But, I should stop it, because it is fucking annoying. Our lives are different, not only because we are actually different people *GASP*, but because I don’t want to be you. I should hope you don’t want to be me either. We have different jobs, different partners, potentially we live in different countries. All of which leads me to the firm belief that, your well-meaning and yet unsolicited advice can do one.
Part of the beauty of the world, or at least, the beauty, so many of us claim to love. Is the fact there are so many different people in the world. By default as humans, we have very similar behaviours – but our experiences are rarely as similar. We are moulded by those around us and become more like them. There is a great book called, Connected, which I highly recommend – just so you can see the actual power of the people we associate with. ‘‘How Your Friends’ Friends’ Friends Affect Everything You Feel, Think, and Do” – There is already so much impact outsiders have on our lives, it is almost our duty to ignore all advice given – unless it was asked for, which it almost certainly wasn’t.
While I have no doubt, many of you reading this might potentially have close life experiences to mine – birth, husband, children, can bake, can cook, likes coffee… Maybe you even work from home too. What you, however, do not have is my large tree in the garden filled with blue tit birds, my thought process, or this burn on my finger from a steam bun a few hours ago. You don’t have that. Maybe previously you did burn your finger, and you want to tell me how to fix it. Truth is though, while you might give me advice, I am under no obligation to listen and (I am sure I am not alone here) the more you tell I should be doing something, the less and less likely I am to do it.
Stubborn to a fault! Maybe, or maybe I just have very clearly defined ideas of the life I want to live, the path I will take, the length of time I will choose to do it. The last few years, through various experiences both bad and good I am even more aware that I was for a long time swayed, moved and in fact, followed other peoples advice blindly. What a dickhead. There are people in my life, strong personalities that potentially can’t help themselves but spew ‘well-meaning’ advice and opinion where ever they go.
For a long time now, I listen intently, I nod, make appropriate mouth sounds and then… ignore it.
Don’t cook it like that – try it like this.
If you clean this way, it is easier.
Are you not moving house yet? It is a really good idea to do it soon.
Ha. The problem is, what you are doing isn’t really imparting great wisdom, what you are doing is telling someone how to live – to your standards. What they should do, but with a thin coating of ‘this is easier / better / the done thing’. It ain’t cool buddy.
Eventually, we are all on the crapshoot out of here, and if you are lucky people will remember the nice stuff you did, not how clean your toilet bowl was, or that you owned a house at the correct time. Let’s face it if people are complimenting you harpic fresh toilet at your wake… you probably should’ve… Wait, I am not giving you advice on what to do.
I am just saying, your unsolicited well-meaning advice can suck a *$%*.