For example, I’m not going to lie here, I have huge nips. Always have had. We had to get round that, we had to work through that. Babies have tiny gobs. It can be tricky.
We have had the brow sweat educing cluster
fuck feed. Where you sit like a mindless drooling zombie and feed until you think you can feed no more. Then feed more.
The other times when baby is asleep. By-jingo SHE IS SLEEPING. Then you start to throb. Throbbing turns to a light sting. Stinging turns into a burny feeling and hey presto you’re a leaky faucet rocking, leaking and waiting for the baby to WAKE UP!
Baby wakes up, your boob looks like a basket ball, she latches – sweet relief – the suddenly LETDOWN, head thrown back, it’s taken her by surprise, it’s all over the place.
Later while getting changed you find a small, sweet, sticky patch on your stomach.
IF like me you are a master of the breast pad you will have –
- You have placed one on the side of your nipple not ON your nipple and enjoyed Niagara Falls on more than one occasion
- You have managed to fold it in half, it sticks out like that time you stuffed your bra with tissue paper at 13 years old.
- You have only padded one side. The side that wasn’t going to leak anyway. Brilliant.
- You are walking about the town, feeling good. Awww ye. Then a damp breastpad slides out from under your bra (how?!) in the queue. Lands with an unceremonious ‘flop’ noise. You have to make the decision – kick it away or bend down and pick it up. WHAT DO YOU DO?
- You have left the house with one stuck somewhere else (scarf) and thought everyone was admiring your attire. Nope, they admiring your milk catching paraphernalia.