I was watching a short video earlier, you know the type on Facebook – three minutes of emotional trauma that leaves you questioning your whole life.
This particular one, had best friends read each other their ‘bad’ thoughts about themselves. From back fat to being ugly.
It was emotional, to hear women read out what they perceived to be their flaws. At the end, one of the women said she was damaging herself.
I’ve rolled that around in my mind for a few hours now, and it occurred to me – I damage myself too. I have probably inflicted more deep cuts to myself than anyone else ever has, and maybe if I am lucky, ever will.
It’s strange because if anyone was to say the things I think about myself, to my children, friends or family, I would be furious and more than likely spend hours ensuring that they are mended from the damage.
But what about me? What about you?
These things are internalised. We might say ‘bloody Nora I’m a chunk’ in passing to people, but likely we would never say ‘My thighs are legitimately so disgusting I should just cover up so no one ever has to get eye damage from them’ or ‘When did I get so fucking ugly?’ you get the gist. The things we think are the very worst versions, and we do that – to ourselves?
We say the most hurtful things, we think the most hurtful things. We are repeatedly damaging ourselves. We are the person that is, more often than not, throwing shit at ourselves. The more I think about it, the less it makes sense.
There is a rise of people talking about self-care now, and I love that. I can’t help feeling that most are along the lines of ‘have a bath, read a book and you’ll feel rejuvenated’ and whilst I do agree that actually, that can have a huge impact on our frame of mind and stress levels. If we are the ones attacking ourselves, there is no amount of bathing in the world that will wash those scars clean – so the books and bubbles aren’t going to work on the very foundations of our mental & emotional stability. Our confidence core.
So I am going to be making a conscious effort to be kinder to myself, and catch my hurtful thoughts as I think them, train myself out of them. Replacing them as I go with the shit I love about myself, and I really do so love so much about myself, but I know that I have work to do. I suspect I am not alone when it comes to the personal attacks on myself.
This is me urging you, the next time you begin to think those hurtful things about yourself – STOP. Replace it with something you love about yourself.
Stop hurting yourself. I’ll stop hurting myself too.