co-sleeping, cosleeping, Humour

The REAL danger of co-sleeping

There has been a lot in the press, heated debates and so much on telly about the dangers of co-sleeping. Those of us who do co-sleep seem to be shouting in to the wind a lot of the time. It’s time I faced the facts though. Co-sleeping has some real issues. Things I can no longer ignore and am I feel like they are things you need to know. The REAL danger of co-sleeping Your baby might be too content. You heard me. Your baby might be TOO CONTENT. They get this way because they are near you and your smell is comforting.  If you aren’t sure if you might… Read More The REAL danger of co-sleeping

Cooking, Discipline, Household, Humour, Mojo

Toddler mealtimes are like Game of Thrones.

Do you make a meal out of mealtimes? We have weaning pouches, plates, boxes, finger food, fancy forks and knives but what happened to – eat it or you’ll go to bed hungry? I see picture after picture of boxes with sticks and straws, animal shaped sandwiches, information about how to get your toddler to eat by cutting the food in the teeny tiny star shapes, covering it with edible glitter and being self satisfied at the end of it. Some toddlers are difficult. I have had one easy and one difficult with food. I refuse to sit for 30 minutes making a lunch that looks too good to eat.… Read More Toddler mealtimes are like Game of Thrones.

Baby, Breastfeeding, Humour

Clusterfeeding zombie, breastpads and NIP.

There have been many ups and downs for me and Tiny on our breastfeeding journey. For example, I’m not going to lie here, I have huge nips. Always have had. We had to get round that, we had to work through that. Babies have tiny gobs. It can be tricky. We have had the brow sweat educing clusterfuck  feed. Where you sit like a mindless drooling zombie and feed until you think you can feed no more. Then feed more. The other times when baby is asleep. By-jingo SHE IS SLEEPING. Then you start to throb. Throbbing turns to a light sting. Stinging turns into a burny feeling and hey… Read More Clusterfeeding zombie, breastpads and NIP.

Breastfeeding, breasts, Family, Humour

The Alternative Breastfeeding Glossary Pt.2

Like every good dictionary there is room for addition. Let us start with ‘Boobie Bogey’. If you breastfeed and your child has a cold, is snotty, is not snotty, has a dry nose or indeed is actually just a child you have probably had this. You look down at your divine little thing and notice either a snotty string or a little green crusty thing. ‘Mr. Pinchy’ is common discussed within the ranks of breastfeeders. There you are, it’s 3am, you are relaxed, baby is relaxed – let down happened quickly and the whole thing is going smoothly. You close your eyes and begin to drift off… The suddenly you… Read More The Alternative Breastfeeding Glossary Pt.2

Babies, Baby, Breastfeeding, Family, Food, Humour

The Alternative Breastfeeding Glossary

These are the lesser known but very important ALTERNATIVE breastfeeding things you might want to learn/remember/laugh about. During a half asleep latch I have poked her in the eye with my nipple this is know as ‘Pink Nip Eye.’ I have squeezed a boob a touch to hard while removing from the bra (I inadvertantly fell asleep in) and sprayed her in the face. This doesn’t have a name, because it’s depressing enough to see your milk anywhere other than in your offspring without giving it a real name! IF (big if) she doesn’t wake up then I wake up crying. From my boobs. Obviously this is simply just ‘Hurty… Read More The Alternative Breastfeeding Glossary

Babies, Breastfeeding, breasts, Family, Humour, Mojo

Dear Bigotty Wankers – breastfeeding in public.

Dear Bigotty Wankers,  I have listened to all your reasons that women should not breastfeed in public and I have decided to call bullshit on the whole thing. For some of you it is an education thing, this is not your fault. Do not feel bad that you are just not educated enough to understand how these things work. You are forgiven. I forgive you. For others it is simply that you like to cause a bit of a scene. Ruffle the feathers of some communities and enjoy watching it all unfold – I bet you’re having so much fun right now! Hell, I’m willing to bet that some of… Read More Dear Bigotty Wankers – breastfeeding in public.

Baby, Breastfeeding, breasts, Family, Humour

Breastfeeding – Important discoveries & milestones.

Things that have happened during month 1 of breastfeeding. My boobs now look like Snoopy’s nose, except less perky. I sat in Starbucks with one tit roaming free as the carrier strap had allowed it to escape. Tiny was asleep. In the other direction. My most used nursing bra has begun to detach on one side, randomly. They are now more lopsided than ever. When whipping out a breast in public I cannot help but look at my nipple for fluff. I get fluffy nipples. I think my nipples, when not fluffy, look like a giant mouse nose. I have often breast padded only one breast. The other, clearly saddened… Read More Breastfeeding – Important discoveries & milestones.

Humour, Mojo

My Evil Toddler.

You flick me in the eyeballs, You twat me in the jaw, You pull my hair, Grab my lip, I did not ask for more. You’re calm and look contented, I ask if you want lunch, You punch me in the kneecap, With your little fat, ham fist. I say ‘please don’t do that’, You say ‘Shut you face Mama!!!’. I’m hiding in the toilet, I know you know I’m here, You scream and head butt the door, You deeply sniff and take in all my fear. You smell of rage and hate, Your eyes look in my soul, Deep down I know you’re not so bad, But tell that… Read More My Evil Toddler.