The REAL danger of co-sleeping

There has been a lot in the press, heated debates and so much on telly about the dangers of co-sleeping. Those of us who do co-sleep seem to be shouting in to the wind a lot of the time. It’s time I faced the facts though. Co-sleeping has some real issues. Things I can no longer ignore and am I feel like they are things you need to know. The REAL danger of co-sleeping Your baby might be too content. You heard me. Your baby might be TOO CONTENT. They get this way because they are near you and your smell is comforting.  If you aren’t sure if you might…

Toddler mealtimes are like Game of Thrones.

Do you make a meal out of mealtimes? We have weaning pouches, plates, boxes, finger food, fancy forks and knives but what happened to – eat it or you’ll go to bed hungry? I see picture after picture of boxes with sticks and straws, animal shaped sandwiches, information about how to get your toddler to eat by cutting the food in the teeny tiny star shapes, covering it with edible glitter and being self satisfied at the end of it. Some toddlers are difficult. I have had one easy and one difficult with food. I refuse to sit for 30 minutes making a lunch that looks too good to eat.…

Clusterfeeding zombie, breastpads and NIP.

There have been many ups and downs for me and Tiny on our breastfeeding journey. For example, I’m not going to lie here, I have huge nips. Always have had. We had to get round that, we had to work through that. Babies have tiny gobs. It can be tricky. We have had the brow sweat educing clusterfuck  feed. Where you sit like a mindless drooling zombie and feed until you think you can feed no more. Then feed more. The other times when baby is asleep. By-jingo SHE IS SLEEPING. Then you start to throb. Throbbing turns to a light sting. Stinging turns into a burny feeling and hey…

The Alternative Breastfeeding Glossary Pt.2

Like every good dictionary there is room for addition. Let us start with ‘Boobie Bogey’. If you breastfeed and your child has a cold, is snotty, is not snotty, has a dry nose or indeed is actually just a child you have probably had this. You look down at your divine little thing and notice either a snotty string or a little green crusty thing. ‘Mr. Pinchy’ is common discussed within the ranks of breastfeeders. There you are, it’s 3am, you are relaxed, baby is relaxed – let down happened quickly and the whole thing is going smoothly. You close your eyes and begin to drift off… The suddenly you…

The Alternative Breastfeeding Glossary

These are the lesser known but very important ALTERNATIVE breastfeeding things you might want to learn/remember/laugh about. During a half asleep latch I have poked her in the eye with my nipple this is know as ‘Pink Nip Eye.’ I have squeezed a boob a touch to hard while removing from the bra (I inadvertantly fell asleep in) and sprayed her in the face. This doesn’t have a name, because it’s depressing enough to see your milk anywhere other than in your offspring without giving it a real name! IF (big if) she doesn’t wake up then I wake up crying. From my boobs. Obviously this is simply just ‘Hurty…

Dear Bigotty Wankers – breastfeeding in public.

Dear Bigotty Wankers,  I have listened to all your reasons that women should not breastfeed in public and I have decided to call bullshit on the whole thing. For some of you it is an education thing, this is not your fault. Do not feel bad that you are just not educated enough to understand how these things work. You are forgiven. I forgive you. For others it is simply that you like to cause a bit of a scene. Ruffle the feathers of some communities and enjoy watching it all unfold – I bet you’re having so much fun right now! Hell, I’m willing to bet that some of…

Breastfeeding – Important discoveries & milestones.

Things that have happened during month 1 of breastfeeding. My boobs now look like Snoopy’s nose, except less perky. I sat in Starbucks with one tit roaming free as the carrier strap had allowed it to escape. Tiny was asleep. In the other direction. My most used nursing bra has begun to detach on one side, randomly. They are now more lopsided than ever. When whipping out a breast in public I cannot help but look at my nipple for fluff. I get fluffy nipples. I think my nipples, when not fluffy, look like a giant mouse nose. I have often breast padded only one breast. The other, clearly saddened…

My Evil Toddler.

You flick me in the eyeballs, You twat me in the jaw, You pull my hair, Grab my lip, I did not ask for more. You’re calm and look contented, I ask if you want lunch, You punch me in the kneecap, With your little fat, ham fist. I say ‘please don’t do that’, You say ‘Shut you face Mama!!!’. I’m hiding in the toilet, I know you know I’m here, You scream and head butt the door, You deeply sniff and take in all my fear. You smell of rage and hate, Your eyes look in my soul, Deep down I know you’re not so bad, But tell that…

Almost a Year!

Not my blog, it’s not my blog birthday, that was last year sometime at the end of it. I’ll never really know I don’t think, because I started a blog a few years ago, a cool one cause I thought I was Carrie Bradshaw and that my life was interesting. Truth is, it wasn’t. So I deleted all those posts and photos and left it. Then, when I was pregnant a fat I started typing again. I think I got better as I went along. I’ll never be a Bronte but then, they probably didn’t drink gin while watching their youngest child wedge a pea up her nose. Probably. So…

Sex

I’m going to talk about sex. I love sex. If you are easily offended by swearing, vaginas, gin, fat or strech-marks, two things – I’m surprised you’re on this blog, secondly I should leave if I were you. Sometimes, I offend myself.   Obviously, most of us had sex before we had children, else the babies wouldn’t be here. Most of us also have sex after the baby or babies. But why does it seem to turn into something rushed? Something squeezed in between being busy parents, working all hours and house keeping.Or does it get put on a back burner? Reasons we should have more sex (without making more babies)…

The day of tantrum

Look at that face, that fat little face. That fat, happy, smiling and innocent little face. Tantrum day, unlike other days was hard. It was so so hard. I was bitten, slapped, ignored and ultimately gave up. It started out a normal day, nice and easy. Happy Mojo. Then, I gave her pancakes for breakfast when Eldest had toast. 8am, Mojo decided to have the first trantrum. She wanted toast, not pancakes. She wanted them so badly, she threw her food off of the highchair, pull her foot up and decided to bite her own toe. Then went all ridged. I offered up toast as a pacifier, it’s 8am I’m…